I would like to add a side note about myself and my personality before this little biography of a “home wrecker” ensues. I have always been depicted as having a “realist” personality throughout relationships, whether as a friendship, boyfriend/girlfriend status and even as a wife. When I met my current husband, I didn’t ONLY admire him for his physique, personality and the determination to consistently prove his love for me but also for his past, present and future baggage that would follow behind him, his down-right grotesque habits, his failures and the relationships that he had began prior to us coming together as one. My concrete feelings throughout personal relationships were that of being as open as possible about past friendships, relationships, desires, needs, etc. Whatever has happened in the past with whomever, is fair game because I didn’t know him and vice versa.
The BIGGEST failures, in my opinion, are not being trustworthy because of the lack in truth, openness and communication. If a man cannot communicate to his spouse that he has dark desires because of being firghtened of the outcome within his truth, he will begin to journey secretly. It is the same for a woman. Let’s get real people, whether in a relationship and/or marriage, we all still look at the opposite ***. It is what the two do within their relationship about this “reality” that will ultimately pave the way for their healthy future WITHOUT infidelity. Now mind you, I have zero tolerance for any forms of cheating, whether emotional, physical or just through words and pictures. I will harp on this until I am six feet under. If communication is not present on day one about the entire package of each, there WILL be a war that ensues. It is not if but when. I met my husband in January of 2012, as we worked at the same company. We went on our first date a couple days later, where we conversed for hours. From that day forward, we were inseparable. My husband is the only other man that my son knows besides his biological father, which I will always strive for. In April of 2013, we had our daughter and in September of 2013, we were married. Our long talks sometimes consisted of speaking about our past relationships so Kala was not someone I wasn’t familiar with. A high school sweetheart that ended when she found someone she thought was better for her, which led to her first pregnancy with that someone.
My husband and her were friends on Facebook and I was okay with that as he asked before confirming and I trusted him. I am not exactly sure when their “affair” started but she contacted me at the end of May with a full confession. Her reasoning behind why she confessed was because my husband had ended it and blocked her number, which devastated her. I had even communicated with her on the phone that same night of the confession to get more of a detailed glimpse of their relationship. She stated several times that she was shocked that I was so easy-going with her rather than pushing juvenile statements. I proceeded to tell her that I did not make a commitment to her but to him but don’t get it twisted, I bluntly told her that her portion of this affair was disrespectful to me as a wife, and toward my children because at that moment, their world could be shattered because I was deceived and she played her role knowing he was married. Mind you, she is presently with the same guy, engaged and has two kids of her own with him. The affair consisted of several text messages, explicit pictures and phone calls. She was ready to leave her current finance for my husband and was trying anything she could to get my husband to leave. “I love you’s” were exchanged throughout, talks of being married to each other, having kids with each other and intercourse were also noted within these conversations. She tried to manipulate my husband into thinking that I needed to get a job because I should be making my own spending money, rather than his. Reality proved this stemmed off jealousy of what she dreamed of her future being. I am currently a junior in college and as a married couple, we each spoke our opinions of me quitting my current job to pursue the degree as well as aid in the children. This was no one man decision.
There was a night, about a month prior to Kala messaging me of the affair, that myself and my husband had an argument. He said he was leaving to stay at his parents to cool off. The four, almost five years we’ve been together, we have never separated, taken a break or plainly walked out. Come to find out he was to meet her that night for intercourse and he “pussied” out because he couldn’t get the nerve to lay down with another woman. She was devastated, as she told me herself. After the truth was out about their activities, I unloaded on him. I had lost my brother when I was 17 but I must say that fixing this now broken marriage was the hardest I have ever been through. We are still married and we never separated during this time. I was completely open as well and told him every time I felt like quitting, but love is a strong drug. Call me weak for staying with a cheater and I will understand your thoughts but for better or worse was not something I preached in my white dress because it was cute. If he ever deceives me again, I will walk away knowing that I did everything I could and I didn’t just punk out when it got rough. It is astonishing to say, as I type this, that I trust my husband more than I did when I met him, but it is true. Our communication was strong before but stronger now. Like I stated above, I didn’t look for perfect but for someone I could grow with amongst all the blows thrown our way and negativity that followed each of us into our future. You all may be wondering why I am blowing this girl up on this site if I have clearly stated that I have worked things out as well as continuing to grow as a spouse. Kala has continued to contact me, allowing me to try and remember that she was his first and current love amongst so many other things. She had texted him the following day stating that she still loved him and didn’t know what to do not being with him, and you know what, because this has been the only outlet to preach the bullshit.
Kala, if you do find this and read just know that while you cracked me, I didn’t break. As a mother yourself, you should be ashamed of yourself for putting a total of four children at risk of a split home because the actions you made and him following. Do not EVER point the finger at me, the wife who was oblivious to these actions, as the reason you and him pursued this affair. Own up to the actions before, during and after. Karma runs full circles. I was cool with you, knowing you were the side chick because it wasn’t you I was committed to but you continuing to run your mouth after you realized I wasn’t leaving and you weren’t getting your man, has ended in my glory by sharing your beautiful love story.
